art below
ambiance
8/15/25; i've just finished watching "Mind Game." i'm glad to be who i am.
8/17/25; i feel really, normal...
8/18/25; whoops, i slipped up
8/19/25; nah
8/21/25; "25Q/30min-1hour" what was i thinking
4/30/26; I haven't had a thought, or a feeling, or consistancy or anything in what feels like forever. Just a whirlwind of anxieties and urges, reduced so much, no longer a person, no longer alive. I'm in such dire need of direction. where have i gone.
I need to be alive, to be in my life. I need to make decisions, not just allow myself to be steered by fleeting thoughts of what could be. I need to drive myself into a direction where i can see more than just the destination.
there are views to be taken in, things to be learned, people and places along the way that are all so freely available to me if i just cared enough to stop and take a look.
Routes and paths, closed off to the blind. But even when i can see, when i finally catch a glipse, i turn away and let go, i give up on these beautiful things.
It's really me, i've stopped enjoying things... Right? I've stopped dreaming?
i mean, it's always me, me in my life, doing these things to myself, and it has never been anyone else.
when will i finally make the right choices?
it could be now, today. Right now, tommorow, whenever i want.
fuck it, whatever, i'm going to live NOW.
5/28/26; I want to escape into myself. Invert my skin and my flesh. Let the parts of me that have never seen the light of day, breathe for the very first time.
6/13/26; I live in a shell. A shell of who I am, to protect who I want to be. A muffle for the voice that screams. So no one can see or hear, so no one can pass judgement on the parts of me that really matter.